Facts

• Money was invented by the devil himself.  Only someone that mean and selfish that thrives on other's unhappiness could come up with something so evil!
• The harder you fight change, the more things change and the faster things change.
• Divorce takes your heart and soul out, rips it to shreds and then gives you chewing gum to put it back together.  It can hold things for a while, but the minute the weather changes, it falls back apart again.
• Kids will wait until the preacher, Sunday school teacher, principle, teacher, and pope are around and at full attention before deciding to inform the world that boys have penises and girls have vagina's and that babies come out of vagina's.
• Due to the above mentioned fact- you will also question your decision to teach your kids proper anatomy terms and functions
• If you have been with someone for 10 years and they have seen you naked and in some very compromising conditions, the very minute you break-up/divorce/run, the very idea of them seeing you naked again is repulsive.  So you choose instead to cover every possible inch of skin when you know that you will come into contact with them.
• The advances in e-mail, texts and Facebook messaging have made it possible for people to give really bad news without having to ever see each other face to face or even talk and have long awkward silences.  Text, tell, and move on!  Super simple and guilt free!
• Dogs never know why you are stressed, but they are so good about giving support by lying their  head on your shoulder and licking your cheek
• When in doubt about your life take 10 minutes to read and really ponder the eloquent words in Dr. Seuss's, Oh the Places You Will Go.  Great perspective on life
• If you spend your teenage years trying to get to twenty, and your twenties trying to be an adult by getting married, having kids, and buying real estate only to get a divorce at 29, then you will spend your thirties wondering what the hell just happened that made the last 29 years seem like one giant train wreck
• Karma must be having some tough economic times, because I can think of about a handful of people that she hasn't visited.  I can only assume this is because I have not paid her for these services.  
• A child's laughter is the most contagious thing you can catch
• Best friends always take your side even when you both know you are wrong.
• Adele is the only one that "gets me" some days- I know she has been there because she sings songs about it.  
• Incidentally, I also think Adele should allow me to tour with her because I sound just as good.
• You hear stories about people who can't sleep through the night without waking up to smoke.  I wake up to drink coke zero.  
• Being 30 and living in a college town with 5 billion college students leaves a single woman out of the running for future dating/relationships.  It's a fantastic situation.
• Being age 85 or older gives you free range of any opinion you may have on anyone.  Someone looks fat- tell them, someone slight you- call them out on it.  Do what ever your brain tells you- no more polite reservations- your 85!!
• If you are sleeping with another woman's husband and claim you did nothing wrong you have denial issues or no morals. Either way- it's wrong, and you know it!!
• One's ability to spy is directly related to how wronged they have been.  A woman scorned is better than the FBI and CIA.
• The one day you say, "screw it, I'm going to Wal-mart without make-up and not brushing my hair, wearing pajama pants and an old t-shirt" is the very day you will see every person from your past and your ex. And someone will take your picture with their fancy smart phone and post it on People of Wal-mart, so you will be famous.
• Celebrities in town will cause grown people to revert to their childhood days when meeting Santa was the most exciting thing in your life.  Seeing a celebrity from 50 yards away barricaded by police tape and body guards is practically like being on the cover of People magazine.
• When you are a mom and you go shopping for yourself- you start feeling guilty the minute you pick up the ugly elastic waistband pants with no butt that are on clearance for 1.99----So you put ugly pants down and end up buying $100 worth of stuff for your kids who do not need new clothes and you walk out with a cold coke zero wearing the same shirt you wear every Tuesday.  
• Epilators were invented by people who enjoyed cutting- it is the closest I'll ever get to self inflicted torture.  It hurts, but I think I am liking my new epilator.
• Nothing is true until you see it on Wikipedia- it is the go to source for all information from boiling water to performing neurosurgery  
• And after you have read about performing neurosurgery, you can watch a you tube video of neurosurgery and see which of your friends will volunteer so you can practice.
• Dogs see ghosts- They have to, why else would they decide to have a barking chorus at 2 am for 45 minutes?  
• Your phone rings and there is a 1-866....., you know they are up to no good, but today you are feeling rather lucky and are just certain it will be to tell you you are going to win One Million dollars......Nope they want to talk to you about funding their very good foundation that protects mice rights to not be eaten by snakes.   
•  stadium since I was about 4.
• Dating after marriage is like asking someone to cut their arm off with a steak knife- I could probably do it- but why?
• Dreams that seem real will always make you wake up really happy or pissed off to no end with someone.  It is like a big reveal every morning when I wake !!!  I feel bad for who ever gets the wrath of my dreams, but they shouldn't be in my dream!